Tag Archive: sEx


Did you know that chewing gum is not sold at any locations in Disney World?  Chewing gum is one of Disney’s least favorite items.  Let’s just say it would be quite sticky, even on a day when the humidity is low if they did promote chewing gum sales.  They don’t say “No Chewing Gum,” but they don’t promote it either.  

In the church world, we have our chewing gum issues. Let’s be honest.  We have some taboo topics that seldom if ever get addressed.  It was once said, “One can be a pastor for a long time as long as he doesn’t talk about money, children or sex.”  The first two might get the casual attention, however, the third one is absolutely a “no-no.”  Only the brave and fearless dare tread in such land.  Meanwhile, it is laced throughout the Bible.

After Adam and Eve sin, the first reaction we see is that they notice their nakedness.  At that moment, sexual dysfunction was born.  Later we see some sort of sexual issue with Noah getting drunk and naked after the water recedes.  David, a man after God’s own heart, has serious issues, including dancing naked in the street and having his way with Bathsheba.  Let’s not forget that Samson and Solomon have women issues as well.  

Did you know that Song of Solomon is so steamy young rabbi students were not allowed to read it until they were mature enough to handle the sexual expressions?  Even the relationship between Jesus and his church is in the language of an intimate relationship between a bride and groom.  

But on any given Sunday, we will not go there.

In our world, the sexual issues extend beyond adultery.  A friend called me and asked how his church should handle a member’s sex change operation.  We don’t even talk about gender identity.  Some rail against homosexuality; however, more people’s lives are being destroyed by pornography, and I can’t remember the last time I’ve heard that word in any church meeting.  

At a men’s gathering recently, we talked for an hour about pornography and it’s destructive nature.  Everyone in the group admitted being exposed to pornography between the ages of 5 and 7.  Only two said their father talked with them in an honest and frank manner about sex.  As we expanded the subject, it became clear that it’s not just two Christians in a marriage bed.  It’s two sinners as well.  

But on any given Sunday, we will not go there.

It used to be assumed that men were the only ones with a pornography issue.  Not so anymore.  As pornography has dominated men’s  lives as children and teens, women are now engaging porn to try and figure out how to satisfy the sexual fantasies of their over-exposed mate.  Long gone are the days when one had to steal a girlie magazine from the local 7-11.  Today, hard core porn is a few clicks away on not only the computer but the smart phone our kids are walking around with in elementary school.

Last year I had to deal as a counselor with pornography issues in pre-teens.  The plague is not just stealing innocence.  It is insidiously changing men and women as it dehumanizes people.  The intimate relationship between a man and a woman was intended to be a beautiful thing.  Nothing was to interfere with a married couple even when Jesus told us in his first sermon (he wasn’t afraid to address the issue) men have sexual issues with their eyes.  

Once we dehumanize someone, especially a woman ,our brain and emotions are transformed to interpret life beyond the sexual world in a very destructive way.  In war, once an enemy is dehumanized, life loses all value.  If we can mentally and emotionally disconnect. we can then torture, abuse and even kill without feeling.  That is exactly what pornography is doing in a insidious way.  

But on any given Sunday, we will not go there.

The only hope we have is a relationship with our Lord Jesus, as well as a healthy relationship with our fellow brothers and sisters who are not afraid to go where few will tread.  Healthy means having honest, open discussions along with great grace and love, having us care instead of reacting in stunned judgment when we fail.  We also need to begin very young with our children facing the reality that sexual issues will not simply disappear but rather take on more and more dysfunctional forms.  By the grace of God, we live as aliens in a sexual world that seeks to dehumanize not only our mind but our faith as well.

On any given Sunday, we must go there.  

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I was working on a lesson the other day.  While researching, I discovered a reference from ancient Rome.  It was from one of the ruling party, commenting about the plague that was running through the city.  He commented about a people group that, instead of running away from those with the deadly illness ran to them.  He was amazed.  Those people were the Christians.  They were not afraid.  Their destiny was in the hands of the God they believed in.  

This past week was a troublesome week.  Four different instances of people in pain.  The pain was the plague of sex abuse.  I have to admit I often thought the numbers were not accurate.  The longer I’m in the counseling world I now feel those numbers are not high enough.

In each case the abuse came from family members.  Each family member was a member of the same church.  They were calling, seeking advice.  One case was extremely recent.  Another was 20 some years ago.  The plague affects people of all ages, both sexes, all races and socio-economic standings.  

In each case, some level of pornography usage is also evident.  The plague is here in full swing.  I don’t blame the many women who have joined the #MeToo movement.  What I don’t quite understand is why the Christian community is not engaging it.  A pastor friend of mine once preached that 75% of all the men in the congregation have an issue with pornography.  He followed that statement saying, “The other 25% are lying.”  Jesus said we as men have issues with adultery.  If we have eyes, we have a problem.  Ladies are not exempt.  A lady teacher once told me a woman’s desire is to be desired.  Just like the plague…the germ is always around.  

But we don’t talk about it.  Somehow it has become taboo to talk about sex, adultery, and lust.  Are they sensitive subjects?  They sure are, and yet, they affect the foundation of future families.  Sexual sin is not a victimless sin.  Often its impact is felt years later.  

We have this plague slowly killing our families and, literally people, and we are running away instead of to it.  When is the last time anyone heard a sermon on pornography?  Why hasn’t the church rallied to demand our lawmakers do something about the ease of viewing porn by minors on the Internet?  Why is there free porn at all?  When is the last time anyone heard a sermon on I Timothy 5:2?  Do we teach it to our youth, or are we too busy playing games?

Remember, the purity of marriage is very important to the Lord.  It is the only institution founded on the principles of Jesus and his church.  

So, what is I Timothy 5:2?  The Apostle Paul said, “Treat…older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity.”  We did not start the #MeToo movement; Paul did.  It lost its effect when we demanded 20 minute happy sermons and did not want to hear God’s instruction of great grace.  Grace calls us to purity.  Purity founded in the Pure One, Jesus.  Yes, we have issues, and so did many of the Biblical heroes.  

Nehemiah was upset the walls of Jerusalem were broken.  After he wept and mourned, he prayed for God to help him respond.  The walls of our churches and homes are broken.  The sexual revolution of the 60’s has morphed into the sexual disaster, and truth is hard to find, even in sexual identity.  Churches have caved in the name of “grace” accepting sexual behavior that is far from pure.  We forgot that grace is founded in truth and calls us to purity, as Jesus told the prostitute “…sin no more.”  In other words, with Jesus, she did not need to be the prostitute anymore.  Her identity was in Christ, not her or men. 

Porn and sexual sins are a leading characteristic of a culture that loses respect for life.  Once respect for others is lost, the only direction a culture goes is down and out.  The church must run to this plague for the future of our families and the gospel.  Talk to your kids about it.  Don’t be afraid; be honest.  Develop accountability with the Internet.  Confess your own sins, and together in prayer, seek the Lord in your sexual being.  It’s important to him.  He made us in His image.